Episode 15: The Night the Lights Went Out in Cleveland (and also sandwiches!)

After 17 years of teaching high school, I've learned a couple of things that are universal truths. First, a great number of laptops crash at 11:00 PM the night before a large assignment is due. Second, high school kids will go to amazing lengths to stay in close proximity to their cell phones. (even as far as having a dummy phone to put in the phone box) And third, it's never the person who starts something that gets caught, it's always the person who reacts. It's true that Mason Rudolph started this altercation by both trying to rip off Garrett's helmet while simultaneously kicking him in the man region. However, Myles Garrett reacted with lunatic intensity and went completely berserk. (Thanks to the old school Norwegians for that term meaning uncontrolled ferocity. Worth nothing that the Norwegians I know are far from ferocious, and more concerned with their rotten fish dish) In any case, the ensuing melee/donnybrook/fracas/brouhaha was the punctuation mark on a tense game with more than a few dirty hits from the Browns defense, on top of the usual vitriol that exists between these teams. Garrett's behavior is completely inexcusable, and perhaps the most reprehensible part was Myles ferociously trying to get a cheapie sack in the last moments of a blowout game. In case you were unaware, there were eight seconds left in a game that the Browns led by two touchdowns. Wouldn't it have been enough to celebrate a blowout win over your rival in a primetime nationally televised game? Apparently not. So Myles Garrett in an instant changed all the headlines; instead of "Browns Have Righted the Ship" we got "Browns Lose Even When They Win" and the following week was filled with the usual Cleveland denigration.

In the end, Myles Garrett cannot be defended. End of story. But let's not paint the Steelers as hapless victims in this case. Maurkice Pouncey kicked and punched a player laying on the ground, and somehow only got a two game suspension. I still can't believe that Mason Rudolph was slapped on the wrist and isn't suspended at all, without his actions the last 8 seconds might have gone by quietly. However, a week later Rudolph was benched in the third quarter for a guy named Devlin "Duck" Hodges, so perhaps we have heard the last of Mason Rudolph. One thing that's clear to me is that perhaps the Browns have righted the ship, and their young talent is starting to finally become the dangerous offense we thought they would be. Clearly they need to get better at managing emotions, particularly when playing a frustrated team like the Steelers. Nobody in that organization will admit it, but the writing is on the wall about a shortage of talent, and with Big Ben's retirement looming, the next few seasons might not be a lot of fun in the 'Burgh. But at least they've got Primanti Brothers.*

Go Browns.

*I lived in Pittsburgh for five years and out of the mostly fond memories I have, Primanti Brothers stands near the top of the list. A sandwich with french fries and cole slaw is truly a thing of beauty and my heart hurts a little as I pine for a hot sausage and cheese sandwich from Primanti Brothers. Pittsburgh is a fabulous city for food, but I wouldn't trade many of them for a late-night sandwich after seeing a show at Graffitti's or spending too much money on the jukebox at Dee's Cafe. Despite my dislike for most things Pittsburgh Steeler related, I loved living in that city, and it will be always be on the short list of places in the USA I would want to move to eventually. Too many bridges though. 

A midseason malaise and fellow rust-belters come to town

So....what I have missed during my unexpected 11 day hiatus away from 4338? Baker Mayfield somehow blamed his moustache for a poor performance in Denver,  Freddie vowed that fewer penalties and turnovers would result in a win (it did not), OBJ and Landry were scolded at halftime for improper footwear, and the Browns cut a player after a psychotic tirade that involved threatening fans, sportswriters, probably even the good sisters at St. Ignatius. Strangely, none of this is really that surprising. The Browns have a couple of decades of missteps on and off the field, and are quite familiar with being well under .500 at the midway point. All of that optimism from Labor Day weekend has translated into something akin to bad food poisoning after an undercooked klobasa at a swimming pool snack bar in the summer. (Future blog entry coming detailing my medical adventures here in the Czech Republic) 

The Browns currently sit at 2-6, and that's a harsh reality for Browns fans everywhere. My preseason prediction was 8-8, and I was wondering if I was overly pessimistic, and had just been jaded by too many years of losing. However, if I were a gambling man, I wouldn't bet on the Browns going 6-2 down the stretch now. It's important to note that The Browns are not better than anybody.  So all this nonsense about an easier schedule the rest of the way is grade-A malarkey. Top-shelf poppycock. Nothing but claptrap. A good Bills team comes to town this week, then the Steelers who are something like 88-1 against us since 1999. (obvious hyperbole) Normally, you would think that having 5 homes games remaining would be a good thing, but the Browns are 0-3 in Cleveland this year. Frankly, I don't see a lot of reasons to think the Browns can suddenly flip scripts and win 6 games down the stretch. The only thing that maybe you could point to is that they do have really talented individual athletes (Chubb, OBJ, Myles, and others) and maybe that can get you a few wins, but a rapidly splintering locker room points towards something more like a 5 win season.  

So, tonight's game is looming in the very near future, so let's take a minute to consider a team that is also from a rusted-out city along a Great Lake. The Buffalo Bills hail from the city that gave us hot wings, Millard Fillmore, and the Goo Goo Dolls, and they come to town proudly touting a 6-2 record.  Clearly they've got their eyes on the playoffs (can't imagine what that feels like) and they probably smell blood in the water and are expecting to come to Cleveland and take advantage of the swirling dysfunction.  They are led by  Josh Allen, straight out of the mean streets of Laramie, where he led the Cowboys to not very much actually. Mel Kiper was sure the Browns were going to draft Allen number one overall, but obvious Cleveland went with Mayfield on the rest is history. (Worth nothing that Baker is last in the NFL for completion percentage, and tied for first in interceptions. Awesome.) So tonight will be an opportunity to compare two guys that were highly touted in the draft two years ago.     

Despite a lack of sound evidence to support my prediction, I like the Browns to win this game tonight, something like 26-20.  I have no other other basis than just a strong hunch, and it just seems like a Cleveland thing to do to win this game, and give their fans a tiny bit of false hope that this season can be salvaged. I'm assuming that Chubb will have 25 carries, and OBJ will have at least 12 targets, and there will be three touchdowns between those two guys. The defense ought to be able to harass Allen and not make it easy for him at all, and I don't really think Frank Gore is a threat to run up 150 yards against the Browns. Hey, at least the Bills can always go back home for wings afterwards.

Go Browns.