The Stillers come to town...

Hoo Boy. This game today is a big’un. Yes, I realize that in a 16 17 game season one game isn’t that impactful, but 5-3 seems a million miles better than 4-4 and last place in the division. This is a tough game to write about objectively, I’ve been personally involved in this twice-a-year battle royale for the better part of 4 decades. I’ve seen untold horrors in the parking lot at Three Rivers.* I’ve heard fans shout the most vile things at each other in four different stadiums. I once saw a guy in Pittsburgh kick a dog and push over an old lady in a walker just to get into a position to dump some IC Light on a Browns fan. Once a guy tried to fight me on the Duquesne Incline because I was wearing an old school Webster Slaughter t-shirt. So it’s safe to say that my judgment has been clouded by vitriol and anger over the years. But more than all of that, since 1999 we’ve endured the most one-sided “rivalry” in recent times**, winning 36 of the 46 games played since the Browns came back in 1999. That malaise can infect a person’s soul, and it’s almost second nature for Browns fans subconsciously to expect Big Ben to come to Cleveland and win again.

However, this is 2021, and not 2004 with Terry Robiskie trying to coach up Jeff Garcia and William Green. The Browns are coming off an unbelievable season with a genius head coach and were a whisker away from the Super Bowl with their gunslinger quarterback. The Browns got better in the off season, the Steelers got older. For some reason, they decided to roll with an ancient, shiftless quarterback with 1½ arms. Don’t get me wrong, Big Ben has absolutely tortured the Browns over his career. But really, that career ended a while ago. And actually, when we last saw Ben Roethlisberger, he was sitting by himself in a dejected manner at Heinz Field, as the Browns ran off to a 48-37 playoff win due in part to the 4 interceptions that Ben threw. Anyway you cut it, the Browns are trending upwards, and the Steelers are on the verge of a complete tear-down and rebuild.

Coming into today’s matchup, neither team is completely healthy. NFL injury reports are notoriously difficult to interpret, and the teams are as vague as possible during the week. Nick Chubb will play, but is still shaking off a calf injury from a couple weeks ago. Denzel Ward, and DPJ are both out and OBJ and Clowney are both listed as questionable. The Steelers are missing linebacker Melvin Ingram III and tight end Eric Ebron, and of course amateur bicyclist Juju Smith-Schuster is out for the year. Because of missing personnel, I expect this game to come down to defense, more specifically who can pressure the quarterback. You can bet Pittsburgh would want nothing more than to plant Baker into turf via his left shoulder, and a guy like TJ Watt can make that happen. It will be very interesting to see how Stefanski and Van Pelt scheme in order to protect Baker. When Pittsburgh has the ball, the Browns defensive line ought to able to control the line of scrimmage and get to the quarterback. Obviously, Myles Garrett still views these games differently, and if I were a gambling man, I’d put a nickel on him getting at least two sacks. The Steelers have run the ball better recently (they have to with a dead arm quarterback and a depleted wide receiver core) but the Browns are very good against the run, only giving up 80 yards a game. I think Pittsburgh is really going to struggle moving the ball, and that will probably result in the Browns having more possessions than usual. On offense, it’s tough to say how it’s going to go for Cleveland. I have a terrible feeling that although Baker is going to start this game, he likely won’t finish it. Pittsburgh isn’t great against the pass, they allow 244 yards per game through the air. So if ever there was a game that OBJ could blow up, it’s this one. I think they’ll try to get him a lot of touches in a variety of ways, because he’s a threat to go for 60 yards every time he touches the ball. I could see Njoku having a good game, he’s becoming more reliable as time goes by and a nice option to go with Landry and OBJ. Austin Hooper continues to be terrible for the Browns, and could make his appearance on the list of all-time worst free agent signings by Cleveland. A 42 million dollar contract and he has 143 total yards on the season.

When it’s all said and done and the dust settles, the Browns will have leaned on their running game, the Steelers offense will have struggled all night, and the Browns will get to 5-3 by winning this game 27-13.

Go Browns.

Let's get caught upon weeks 4-7

Holey-Moley! (Yes, we might as well honor the mercurial Amedeo Avogadro since I am writing this on 10/23 a.k.a Mole Day) Nonetheless, it’s been a pretty crazy few weeks for the Cleveland Browns. Let’s briefly recap the games via bullet points:

• Way back on October 3, The Browns beat the Vikings in Minnesota 14-7, in a game that I thought would produce 75 total points. Oops. The defense carried the day, Baker looked terrible, and the local Minnesotans were angry (as angry as pseudo-Canadians can be) as they gathered around the water cooler at work and planned their weekend trip to the Spam Museum in Austin, MN.

• A week later was a trip to Los Angeles to play the San Diego Chargers. Honestly, pretty much all of Southern California is the same thing, not sure there’s much of a need to differentiate between San Diego, Los Angeles, or San Bernardino. This game was scintillating and the Browns ran roughshod over the Chargers for most of the game, running up 531 yards and 42 points. However, the defense wilted like petunias in August and allowed 26 points in the fourth quarter and the Browns became the first team to lose with that much offense and no turnovers. To be fair, the Chargers are a very good team, their QB Justin Herbert is a superstar, and Cleveland is historically bad on the West Coast in all sports somehow.

• In week 6, the Browns then returned to the golden shores of Lake Erie to take on a red-hot Cardinals team. Cleveland should have just stayed in the locker room and played pinochle. (Can’t believe that word is spelled that way) The Browns were never in this game, it was 20-0 after about 20 minutes, and even though it was a nine point game at halftime, it was never even that close. Baker was even worse than in the Vikings game, and turned the ball over 3 times. Nick Chubb didn’t play, the offensive line continued to deteriorate like a cardboard boat in a lake. Once again one of the superstars of the NFL torched the Browns defense throwing for 4 touchdowns like it was playing against the Kenmore High School JV team.

• Four days later, the Browns hosted a Thursday night game against the Denver Broncos. Case Keenum got the start, and managed the Browns to a 14-7 win over a very listless Broncos team. With no Chubb or Kareem Hunt, D’Ernest Johnson made the most of his opportunity and went for 168 yards and a score. This moved the Browns to 4-3 and third place in the AFC North, two games behind the Ravens. The Browns and their fans all took a collective breath and got ready for a nice 10 day break before the Steeler game.

Turns out there is a mechanical reason contributing to Baker’s poor play. In addition to the torn labrum in his left shoulder, he has a tuberosity fracture in his humerus as well. (That’s a real word “tuberosity”, and has nothing to do with potatoes with holes in them) I get that Baker thinks himself a “tough guy” (although he loses credibility with the headband thing) but this is a serious injury for sure. All of the sudden, everybody is an armchair orthopedic surgeon, and Baker’s shoulder has dominated sports radio in Cleveland over the past two weeks. Apparently it pops in and out of the joint occasionally (yikes) and generally limits the range of motion with his non-passing arm. The big debate had been whether to shut him down now, fix it surgically, and light a candle for Case Keenum. However, he is announced as the starter against Pittsburgh, so it appears the front office is willing to gamble on the health of their (possible) franchise quarterback. We’ll know if that was a smart decision sometime around 7:30 EST on Halloween. Despite the injuries (I didn’t even mention Landry, Conklin, or Wills) and the adversity, the Browns are still in a position to run off some wins and make a playoff push. I’m optimistic we can get to 8-4 before the bye week in December. But of course almost all of that depends on Baker and his creaky left shoulder. Look for a Browns-Steelers preview shortly.

Go Browns.

A Slippery Trip to the Land O'Lakes

First a brief recap of last week, which by all metrics was an historically one-sided affair in Cleveland. Although this blog is pointedly not a statistical analysis of football games, it’s hard not to acknowledge the quantitative aspects of the soul-crushing defeat handed to the Bears last week. One net passing yard for the Bears, nine sacks from the Cleveland Defense, 1.1 yards per play for Chicago and the Bears went 1-11 on third down. Before we get too excited about such a dominating defensive performance, let’s remember it was against a rookie quarterback with a clueless head coach who didn't take any steps at all to create a scenario where Fields could be remotely comfortable. However, there was definitely a fire in the defensive unit and it’s safe to say that the Chicago Bears went back to the windy city with their tails* between their legs. Maybe they can track down some of that terrible pizza casserole they’re fond of in Chicago, or those nonsense hotdogs with pickles on them. Point being, the Bears are so bad that I don’t really think this win can tell us a whole about the Cleveland Browns.

That brings us to this week, with a trip Minneaoplis for the Browns. The Twin Cities are kind of a magical place to me, I have never actually been there (except for the airport) but I’m confident I could live there happily. I’ve known a handful of people from Minnesota, and I can honestly say that none of them ever tried to murder me. Even though Bob Dylan is from Minnesota, I still hold this state in high regard musically. Prince, The Replacements, The Hold Steady, Hüsker Dü, and of course surf-rock band The Trashmen all hail from Minnesota. I was surprised to learn that F. Scott Fitzgerald was born in Minnesota, had he lived there longer, maybe The Great Gatsby might have been more about ice-fishing shacks and opulent parties featuring lutefisk. There are some theories that places like Minnesota will be somewhat insulated from climate change down the road, so maybe there will be a mad rush to Duluth in the next couple of decades. Really, the only criticism I have of Minnesota is that they claim to be the land of 10,000 lakes, that’s too many.

There are lots of storylines this week in Vikings-Browns. Head Coach of the Cleveland Browns, Kevin Stefanski, spent 14 years as an assistant coach for the Vikings, so you would think that he’d like to go back home and run up 50 points on his former team. However, I think Stefanski is all business, and those sorts of things just don't register as all that relevant to him. I hope he’s more concerned about how in the world Baker Mayfield got sacked 5 times in the game last week. The offensive line has been adequate at best, and Baker still has that tendency to hold on to the ball a little too long. To me, that’s going to be something to keep a close eye on today. The Vikings are at 1-2 on the year, with both losses coming on the road by a combined total of 4 points. They are led by career journeyman Kirk Cousins, who, although he’s not a superstar, is a crafty, efficient veteran. He’s completing 74% of his passes, and has no interceptions of the season. He’s also only been sacked a total of five times on the year, so he’s a guy that gets rid of the ball quickly. I think this is going to give the Browns fits. I’m still not a believer in the Cleveland defense, and Cousins is the kind of experienced quarterback who can pick apart a defense. Their all-everything running back Dalvin Cook is expected to play today, and he is as explosive as anybody in the NFL. Long story short, I think the Vikings have a very capable offense, and I think the Browns are vulnerable on defense, especially in the secondary.


When the dust settles in the overly-shiny and asymmetric U.S. Bank Stadium, I think people are going to be glad they were there to see over 900 yards of offense. The chemistry with OBJ and Baker will continue to improve, and I’d wager that Odell has a long touchdown along with 9 or 10 catches. I think Cousins will have a great day, and throw for over 275 yards against the Browns, and put plenty of points on the board. If I were a gambling man, I’d sure throw some money on over 51.5 points, that might happen by halftime. I picked the Browns to win 12 games, so by rights I need to pick 4 more losses this season. This two game road trip is tricky, but I think they are more likely to win today than next week at the Chargers. I like the Browns to win this game on the last possession of the game, something along the lines of 39-34.


Go Browns.